Passion

I've been doing a lot of soul-searching lately. I wrote awhile back about being discontent. I'm closer to figuring this out, I think, but I'm not "there" yet. I think what I was lacking is passion. I had become apathetic at times and was just lacking a passion for anything in life. Recently, I've rediscovered things I'm passionate about and I think it is making a world of difference.

Several years ago I led a Bible study group that met in the homes of our members. For many years I was passionate about this group, about helping the members, about the Bible study, about worshipping together, about meeting up and doing life together. Then things got too political. There were too many rules put on us by my church. Don't get me wrong, I understand why they were there, but I started worrying more about the rules and less about what pleased my Father. I lost some passion and zeal for what I was doing when the rules became more important than the purpose of our meetings.

The other night I was reading a book. The author said that when God interrupts your mundane existence with an extraordinary opportunity, it is your responsibility to make sure whatever it is happens. He puts the burden on the one that He calls. He went on to say that many Christians are so afraid to act on these opportunities for fear of misinterpreting them or doing the wrong thing so they do nothing. If God is the compass for our hearts, even doing the "wrong" thing is still a "God thing", right? If we are truly trying to follow God, I can't imagine that the "wrong" choice is an awful one.

So, the apathy will now be leaving the premises. I will act on these promptings with a passion and heart for pleasing my Father. I've had a request from a few people who used to be in my Bible study group to start another one. A group independent of any church, but rather just Christ-followers who want to come together to study God's word, regardless of their church affiliation, marital status, sex, or age. I hate excluding people from getting together to study God's Word when that is what they want, so I won't.

I was passionate about my ministry before I lost sight of the purpose for our meetings. I was passionate before I had to start telling people they couldn't study with us because they were married or because they happened to worship in a different location. I was passionate before my creative options were eliminated through format changes. It will take more time, energy, focus, and PASSION now then it did before because I will be responsible for finding appropriate study lessons, planning the details, etc. It won't be easy and I don't fool myself into thinking it will be, but it will be pleasing to my Father who has called me to this ministry and has entrusted me with this responsibility.

I can already feel the change happening. It's wonderful and scary and exciting and terrifying. How amazing!

Quotable

Do not ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. ~Howard Thurman

Something is happening

Something is happening to me and in me. I haven't yet figured out how to put it into words, but I feel it. It's something with children and teens. I just feel like I want to draw every one of them I meet into a big hug and help through whatever problem they are having and tell them about the God of the universe that loves them deeply. I don't know why this is suddenly a compulsion of mine. In fact, I understand it so little that I'm not sure why I'm telling the world about it here on the internet.

I'm praying for guidance and direction. I'm praying that whatever it is that I'm supposed to do with this, that I'll do it. I'm praying that I won't pass up an opportunity to seize a divine moment. I'm praying for discernment and wisdom to know what this is and why I'm feeling it.

So many things come to mind... adoption, missions, counseling, etc. Where God is leading me, I'm 100% completely UNsure. I just know he is taking me somewhere. For those of you that know me, rest assured that I'm confident it isn't into a group childcare setting. Could you imagine me pulling my hair out by the end of the first half hour? So, maybe I'm certain of one area where he isn't taking me...

I once heard T.D. Jakes say "your misery is your ministry." For many, many years, my misery has been the children of single parent families. Children who are growing up like I did. Children who are growing up like my daughter is. Maybe He is leading me to do something more in this area. I don't know.

I'm listening, God. Please speak to me in a way that I can understand.